Alright this post is a little more personal, I suppose.
One of the most frustrating aspects of my life is my utterly horrible luck at the whole "dating scene." Which to many may seem as a trivial matter perhaps, but alas, I am lost among the clamor of "OOH THE OPPOSITE SEX IS SO FASCINATING."
Blah blah blah.
So whats wrong with me? I'm not a horrible person, and I'm not disfigured, so you know, one would think I would be succesful now and again. The strange thing is, I sabotage myself at every turn.
Let's say I like this girl, and she is indifferent/she sorta likes me. Good start. But then she calls me everyday...for 3 weeks. Or I find out shes a chronic drinker or loves weed. Perhaps she's just kind of a "loose" individual. Why let this bother me when 99% of people would ignore this and go for the kill. But noooo. I have a fucking conscience. Plus, I just get bored, or tired, and I just don't feel like maintaining a steady flow of communication.
I'm a real charmer, trust me.
So, maybe I should just give up on girls, because that would make sense right? Of course it's never that easy. Whenever I go long stretches of time without a certain someone, I just start to get that alone feeling. It's hard to describe, but it's like being empty; after you find someone you truly care for, you want to replicate that feeling. Because it is not always about the sex. Its about that level of communication, of trust, that forms the special bond between two people. Sure, I'm young, but I'd like to think I'm mature enough to understand the complexities of relationship.
So all in all, I just want to have fun and relax, but deep down I prevent myself from doing so because I know I could never have deeper feelings for that person.
Sorry for this blurt, but I'm just sort of lonely and frustrated. Perhaps I'll just eat ice cream instead.
2 comments:
Howdy,
I stumbled across your blog in your post, in the sharing of blogs sections.
This post was quite fascinating, and I can understand what you mean.
I hope you don't mind I put a link to your blog on mine (angusss.blogspot.com).
cheerio,
Angus
I hope you're not eating your ice cream late in the evening though.
I used to be alot like that and even took long sabaticals 'cause I couldn't "just go for the kill". I know I was also mistaken thinking about some girl being such and such when she was jus.. "lost" or had no "direction". They try to tell you girls are maturing faster than men but .. we all grow up together.
I love your post and I'm linking back to you, man.
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