How better to define summer than those endless nights where everything just seems to align in your mind. You lay in your bed, perhaps your computer chair. The light is off; only the flicker of the computer provides illumination. And there in your room, you're truly alone with yourself. You face the demons of your past and the bright lights of your future. Days gone by pass slowly like that lonely car outside your window.
And as you think, you start to realize that everything is connected; action reaction, cause and effect. Past regrets flood your mind and in the darkness all is lost! You can wrap yourself in a blanket but no comforter can protect you from yourself, not early in the morning as the light wanes and your mind drifts.
But there is peace. There is a point, hard to name but tangible nevertheless, where everything is alright. It's as if the clock strikes 3 and your mind releases you; those bad memories fade with the moonlight. And as your thoughts dull, you have the sharp realization that you truly can find happiness. You claw and grasp and struggle to wrap your hands around that fleeting feeling that everything will be alright, that your future is bright, and that you will awake with a fresh perspective and a jumpstart on your life.
The clock strikes four, and I look at myself in the mirror. Tussled hair, bloodshot eyes, but within myself I can see peace. I can see that deep down I know that everything will be alright, and in 5 10 50 years my juvenile thoughts and cares will be washed away like footprints on the beach.
This comforts me as I drift to sleep.
Everything will be alright
Everything will be.....
Monday, July 16, 2007
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Ok so...
Alright this post is a little more personal, I suppose.
One of the most frustrating aspects of my life is my utterly horrible luck at the whole "dating scene." Which to many may seem as a trivial matter perhaps, but alas, I am lost among the clamor of "OOH THE OPPOSITE SEX IS SO FASCINATING."
Blah blah blah.
So whats wrong with me? I'm not a horrible person, and I'm not disfigured, so you know, one would think I would be succesful now and again. The strange thing is, I sabotage myself at every turn.
Let's say I like this girl, and she is indifferent/she sorta likes me. Good start. But then she calls me everyday...for 3 weeks. Or I find out shes a chronic drinker or loves weed. Perhaps she's just kind of a "loose" individual. Why let this bother me when 99% of people would ignore this and go for the kill. But noooo. I have a fucking conscience. Plus, I just get bored, or tired, and I just don't feel like maintaining a steady flow of communication.
I'm a real charmer, trust me.
So, maybe I should just give up on girls, because that would make sense right? Of course it's never that easy. Whenever I go long stretches of time without a certain someone, I just start to get that alone feeling. It's hard to describe, but it's like being empty; after you find someone you truly care for, you want to replicate that feeling. Because it is not always about the sex. Its about that level of communication, of trust, that forms the special bond between two people. Sure, I'm young, but I'd like to think I'm mature enough to understand the complexities of relationship.
So all in all, I just want to have fun and relax, but deep down I prevent myself from doing so because I know I could never have deeper feelings for that person.
Sorry for this blurt, but I'm just sort of lonely and frustrated. Perhaps I'll just eat ice cream instead.
One of the most frustrating aspects of my life is my utterly horrible luck at the whole "dating scene." Which to many may seem as a trivial matter perhaps, but alas, I am lost among the clamor of "OOH THE OPPOSITE SEX IS SO FASCINATING."
Blah blah blah.
So whats wrong with me? I'm not a horrible person, and I'm not disfigured, so you know, one would think I would be succesful now and again. The strange thing is, I sabotage myself at every turn.
Let's say I like this girl, and she is indifferent/she sorta likes me. Good start. But then she calls me everyday...for 3 weeks. Or I find out shes a chronic drinker or loves weed. Perhaps she's just kind of a "loose" individual. Why let this bother me when 99% of people would ignore this and go for the kill. But noooo. I have a fucking conscience. Plus, I just get bored, or tired, and I just don't feel like maintaining a steady flow of communication.
I'm a real charmer, trust me.
So, maybe I should just give up on girls, because that would make sense right? Of course it's never that easy. Whenever I go long stretches of time without a certain someone, I just start to get that alone feeling. It's hard to describe, but it's like being empty; after you find someone you truly care for, you want to replicate that feeling. Because it is not always about the sex. Its about that level of communication, of trust, that forms the special bond between two people. Sure, I'm young, but I'd like to think I'm mature enough to understand the complexities of relationship.
So all in all, I just want to have fun and relax, but deep down I prevent myself from doing so because I know I could never have deeper feelings for that person.
Sorry for this blurt, but I'm just sort of lonely and frustrated. Perhaps I'll just eat ice cream instead.
Ridiculous
With first-hand experience with the college admissions process, I've decided to create a new standard for selecting students.
1. Physical strength - Physical strength? Why choose such a bestial attribute? College is meant to sharpen and prepare us for the challenges of the real world; the real world is a scary place. Let's say you just bought an iPhone because your awesome job affords you a $600 phone, and some guy tries to steal it. You have to be able to defend yourself! Otherwise your hard earned paycheck will go the way of a sneaky pickpocket.
2. Lack of conscience - Are you a danger to others? Then you are a perfect match for a top notch university! Consider the business world today; with something as old school as a conscience, your business will be quickly left behind by the corporations who have no problem destroying the souls of some poor business owner. Plus, without a conscience you will easily fit in on a reality show, such as "The Real World Hurts" or "Survive...Literally we will kill you on air." And if that doesnt put money in the bank, try politics. Destroying someones public image is not easy when you actually feel bad, so ditch the conscience and get to work!
3. Clones - That's right, clone yourself. Colleges crave the USNews rankings, and they climb the list by denying more and more people. If you clone yourself 20 times, a college can afford to admit you and reject your 19 clones. At that rate, the university would have a 5% acceptance rate. Suck it Princeton! Plus a clone is the perfect wingman at a college frat party.
4. Strange minority - Sure, everyone complains about affirmative action, but who could really deny an education to someone with a martian as a parent? Or perhaps youve been struck by lightning so many times your ethnicity is indiscernible. Is there a little box for that? I dont think so. Better yet, youre actually dead. You could conduct research at a top university while also providing material for your peers to study; no one loses when you admit the dead.
5. Shroud of mystery - This should be saved for an act of desperation, but still useful. If the admission committee comes across a mostly blank application, they will take a second look, just to confirm that someone actually had the balls to send in a blank application. Then in small print, they find the message "I used invisible ink." In reality, you didnt, but they cant know for sure now can they. Curiosity killed the cat, and by virtue the admissions people lose their jobs by admitting unqualified but uber-mysterious students. Like I said, desperation.
So there are my suggested qualities for admission into college, based on rigorous study and firsthand experience. For now, Ill pretend my SATs make me as special as my mother tells me.
1. Physical strength - Physical strength? Why choose such a bestial attribute? College is meant to sharpen and prepare us for the challenges of the real world; the real world is a scary place. Let's say you just bought an iPhone because your awesome job affords you a $600 phone, and some guy tries to steal it. You have to be able to defend yourself! Otherwise your hard earned paycheck will go the way of a sneaky pickpocket.
2. Lack of conscience - Are you a danger to others? Then you are a perfect match for a top notch university! Consider the business world today; with something as old school as a conscience, your business will be quickly left behind by the corporations who have no problem destroying the souls of some poor business owner. Plus, without a conscience you will easily fit in on a reality show, such as "The Real World Hurts" or "Survive...Literally we will kill you on air." And if that doesnt put money in the bank, try politics. Destroying someones public image is not easy when you actually feel bad, so ditch the conscience and get to work!
3. Clones - That's right, clone yourself. Colleges crave the USNews rankings, and they climb the list by denying more and more people. If you clone yourself 20 times, a college can afford to admit you and reject your 19 clones. At that rate, the university would have a 5% acceptance rate. Suck it Princeton! Plus a clone is the perfect wingman at a college frat party.
4. Strange minority - Sure, everyone complains about affirmative action, but who could really deny an education to someone with a martian as a parent? Or perhaps youve been struck by lightning so many times your ethnicity is indiscernible. Is there a little box for that? I dont think so. Better yet, youre actually dead. You could conduct research at a top university while also providing material for your peers to study; no one loses when you admit the dead.
5. Shroud of mystery - This should be saved for an act of desperation, but still useful. If the admission committee comes across a mostly blank application, they will take a second look, just to confirm that someone actually had the balls to send in a blank application. Then in small print, they find the message "I used invisible ink." In reality, you didnt, but they cant know for sure now can they. Curiosity killed the cat, and by virtue the admissions people lose their jobs by admitting unqualified but uber-mysterious students. Like I said, desperation.
So there are my suggested qualities for admission into college, based on rigorous study and firsthand experience. For now, Ill pretend my SATs make me as special as my mother tells me.
Start Up
I'll apologize in advance for a lack of direction in this first post, but I've just begun my dive into the world of blogging.
While I may have "important" matters such as, I dont know, college, to worry about, personal matters need attending to. This blog is meant as an outlet for the myriad of ideas that float through my head and I often ignore.
Posts are intended to be random and impassioned; without that they wouldnt be real, and what fun is life if it isnt real?
While I may have "important" matters such as, I dont know, college, to worry about, personal matters need attending to. This blog is meant as an outlet for the myriad of ideas that float through my head and I often ignore.
Posts are intended to be random and impassioned; without that they wouldnt be real, and what fun is life if it isnt real?
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